Tales from the Eastside Directory

NWA Wildside TV Report (Episode #193)

Tales From the Eastside by Patrick McGovern

-I'm real late with this as it is, so no talk beforehand, let's just get to the recap.

-Wildside intro. Only seven episodes until #200!

-After a week's absence from the joking, Steven Prazak is back to giving us reasons why this is better than that other wrestling show you can watch on national TV: "Despite a certain organization's attempt to put it on life support, the pulse beat of professional wrestling is alive, kicking and screaming here at the nation's number one wrestling alternative, NWA Wildside." Prazak then introduces the "unemotional" Dan Wilson (yeah, Dan really needs to start showing some emotion, he's a regular Lord Alfred Hayes out there!), who talks about all the stuff that went down last week (well, two weeks ago since I'm so damn late but you get the idea): the Boogalou Crew reunited, Rainman got a questionable win over Onyx leading to a skirmish between Onyx, Hotstuff Hernandez and David Young. That brings us to tonight, where those three men will square off in a triangle match for the #1 contendership to the Wildside Heavyweight title...except Young's nowhere to be found, yet CEO Rick Michaels is still planning to have a three-way. Hmm.

-Vicious and Delicious (Axis and Python- with Coral) vs. New Orleans Fight Club (Kevin Northcutt and John Saxon) for the NWA Mississippi State Tag Team championships. Hell if I know what defense this is for Northcutt and Saxon; I didn't even know there was an NWA Mississippi State, let alone people willing to fight over its tag titles. Axis and Python are a pair of roided-up looking bald guys, and you have to wonder why anyone would want to share a team name with Buff Bagwell and Scott Norton. Enough bitching though, to the match! Saxon and Axis start with a collar-and-elbow, Axis overpowering Saxon and throwing him off. Another tieup, same result. Collar-and-elbow a third time, this time Saxon has better luck and he puts on a side headlock, Axis shoots him off, Saxon ducks a clothesline, ducks another one the way back and connects with a springboard bodypress coming the other way- one, two, nope. Corbata by Saxon and Axis tags in his bald brethren. Python with a gutshot and side headlock, he lifts Saxon up for some sort of doubleteam but Saxon counters by giving Axis a corbata while bulldogging Python at the same time! Wildside Continues...

We're back and from the looks of things V&D have been having their way with Saxon for several minutes, Python working a front facelock on Saxon. Saxon, however, manages to power his way into his corner and make the tag to Northcutt but Axis has the ref distracted. The crowd is INCENSED and FURIOUS! Python stomps away in the corner, then slams Saxon's head into the buckle and suplexes him. Python heads up top, jumping off with a double axehandle- ha ha, yeah right- of course it's countered as Saxon catches him on the way down with an inverted atomic drop, then a clothesline leads to the double KO. Saxon crawls and lunges for the tag, Python grabs his leg but Saxon balances himself using the ropes and clocks the big man with an enzuigiri! There's the hot tag and Northcutt runs wild, clothesline for you, clothesline for you, your head goes into the buckle while my partner slaps and chops your partner. Northcutt and Saxon do stereo countalong punches in opposite corners and then they try a double whip to sandwich V&D together, but Axis and Python do-si-do to avoid colliding and they plow their opponents over with stereo big boots. V&D try a double whip on Northcutt but Northcutt puts the breaks on, kicks for everyone, backdrop for Python and Axis is dumped from the ring. Python and Northcutt are all alone, and Northcutt lands an inverted atomic drop, there's a gutshot and there's a J-Driller (!) for the pin (4:00 aired). Blech. I guess we should be happy only half of this aired but I'd prefer if none of it did. Only Northcutt looked any good and this was like the worst match on a Superstars taping circa 1986.

-Jeremy V vs. Rainman (with Jeff G. Bailey) for the World Television championship (Seventh Defense). V is still wearing the neckbrace, and we're told he's doing this match against doctors orders. Wilson rrrrrrrrrrrrrrolls his Rs while introducing the Soul Assassin, who takes his time walking down the aisle and baiting the ringside fans. Rainman hits the corner after the bell and gets a round of boos for his trouble; V hits the corner to a much favorable response, then he suddenly turns around and wails away on Rainman with a flurry of rights! Cross-corner whip by V and he charges in with a forearm smash. Dropkick by V and he whips Rainman into the path of a flying jalapeno, then covers for a two count. V laces into Rainman with a trio of chops, then whips him into the corner and charges in again, this time connecting with a corner Shining Wizard! V follows up with the VDT (butterfly sideslam) and gets another nearfall. It's been all V so far and a frustrated Rainman (holding his neck) takes a powder on the floor. V heads from the ring to keep up the assault and he throws a pair of rights, then bashes Rainman's head into the guardrail twice. Rainman is rolled in and he tries to meet V with a clothesline but V ducks it and applies a waistlock, looking for the German suplex but Rainman switches positions and drops V on his neck with the Dark City bomb! Rainman goes to the mount and rains down seven brutal punches to V's neck while I think the tide of the match has shifted. Rainman yells at the ref, just for kicks, and floors V with a Euro uppercut. Blatant choke by Rainman, then he suplexes V over and covers for two. Clubbing forearm by Rainman while V tries rolling to the ropes, but there's no safety there, just some boots as Rainman stomps V right in the back of the neck. Rainman with one more stomp for good measure, a clubbing forearm and then he stays on the neck with a legdrop off the ropes. Knee to the face by Rainman and he casually nudges V over with his foot, then chokes away with said foot. V lifted to his feet by his hair, Irish whip by Rainman, going for the backdrop but he telegraphs it, V over with the sunset flip- one, two, nope. Both men up and Rainman tries a clothesline, V ducks it but he doesn't duck a roundhouse kick to the face. Rainman gets especially vicious, tearing off V's neckbrace. Wildside Continues...

We return to see Rainman staring a hole through V and lifting him up by the neck, then snapping him right back down with an inverted DDT while Bailey shows his usual class by parading around in V's neckbrace at ringside. Wilson announces that five minutes have expired over the house mic...new policy, or telegraphing the finish? Rainman keeps clubbing away on V's neck and V tries to cover up to save himself, but that just provokes Rainman to hammer away harder. V is pulled to his feet, but he can barely stand and just flops right back down to the mat. Bodyslam by Rainman and he heads to the second rope, dropping a leg from there RIGHT across V's neck. Cover by Rainman but V somehow gets the shoulder up before three. Single-arm snapmare by Rainman and he puts a knee in the back for the chinlock, really cranking away and using the supposed resthold very effectively. Rainman has the hold on tight while V gasps for air, Jeremy tries extending his left arm to reach the middle rope- so Rainman grabs the arm and adds an armbar to the chinlock! I'm biased but Rainman really is awesome. V uses his good arm and all the strength he has to fight the hold, he breaks the armbar but Rainman still has the knee digging right into the back of his neck. V, with both arms free now, fights back, slowly ascends to his feet and throws some elbows to break the chinlock, but Rainman mares him right back to the mat. Back suplex by Rainman and he covers V lackadaisically, only getting a two count but Rainman's agenda here seems to be more about hurting V than winning the match. Rainman with a straight punch right to the back of V's neck, simple but effective. Rainman applies a front facelock and V falls limp, slow to respond as Rainman throttles away. V doesn't seem ready to give quite yet so Rainman breaks the hold, but is sure to throw in a Euro uppercut before releasing. Whip by Rainman, looking for the clothesline but V ducks, V with a crucifix roll-up on the way back! One, two, shoulder up by Rainman. Inside cradle by V and again Rainman kicks out in time, but V stays on him with a figure-four jackknife for a third close nearfall. Gutshot by Rainman and a whip, V reverses and scoops up Rainman in a schoolboy, one, two, shoulder up again. That's the fourth straight nearfall for V! Jeremy trying a clothesline but Rainman ducks, sitdown Cobra Clutch slam by Rainman and he steps over into the Hillside Strangler! Rainman is relentless, choking away on V in the center of the ring. V falls limp again, his arm dangling lifelessly while his tongue hangs out of his mouth, but he still has enough energy to respond to the referee with a weak "no...no" when asked if he wants to give up. Rainman releases the hold and looks extremely pissed off. When IS this kid gonna give up? Rainman goes back to the Hillside Strangler but V STILL has some fight left, somehow reaching for the ropes. V clutches his left arm with his right, trying to extend it to reach the bottom rope, but he's not quite there yet...and the time limit expires (Draw "10:00" [8:50], 84).

The match is over but Rainman doesn't look too interested in releasing the Strangler, keeping it on but V, amazingly, still holds out. After a minute of being trapped in the hold, though, even he has to tap out (like that'll help now). Reverend Bailey takes the mic to TESTIFAH: "This punk should have drowned in his own placenta at birth or he would have been better off than taking the continual decimation by Rainman. But you see Rick Michaels, even by the intellectually forgiving standards of pro wrestling, you are an idiot. And what you also are is a failure as CEO because you promised the people a three-way match. David Young decided he was not gonna be a martyr for your losing cause and decided to go elsewhere. Let's face it, the winner of that match is ultimately going to be a loser because they have to face Iceberg and that is a suicide mission. Rick Michaels, I hope for the last time you have finally learned your lesson because when I whipped you like a mangy old dog, finally you understand: keep your nose out of NWA Elite business." Well, Rick Michaels isn't gonna take that lying down, ah reckon. Michaels takes the mic and either he speaks VERY softly or the acoustics are really bad, because I can barely hear what he's saying. He gets a very lengthy bleep at one point so I'm assuming foul language was involved. He ends up addressing Rainman and saying that he's gonna be the replacement for Young in the three-way main event, and "Any of my students against Iceberg? You got it."

Just an really good TV match here, nothing fancy but solid storytelling from Rainman and V. V's selling was great here and having him wrestle in the neckbrace was a nice touch. The only bad part was the finish, I have no problem with there being time limit draws if only they'd actually stick to time limits to keep credibility...then again, I can't remember the last TV title match to go over 10:00, so maybe they HAVE been adhering to the 10:00 time limit (the last TV title match to go over 10:00, I believe, was Rainman/Mamaluke at Christmas Chaos, and that wasn't a TV taping so presumably time was extended). Bailey's post match promo was par excellence, and I'm sure Michaels' micwork was good too, if only I could actually HEAR some of it.

-Altar Boy Luke vs. ~Salvatore Rinauro~ for the Wildside Junior Heavyweight championship (Fifth Defense?). Too lazy to look for myself, but I think Rinauro has a successful defense on a Funky Fantabulous Familytacular Friday Night show against either Sexton or Gabriel; correct me if I'm wrong. Sal is in rare form before the match, flipping off a fan then hiding behind a rather ample security guard, then (after kissing the ROY trophy), when he's in the ring, Sal does the "Hey Hey Hey it's FAAAAAAT Albert!" shuffle to mock the guard! These two had a good match on #187, here's hoping they can do it again here. Collar-and-elbow tieup starts the match, Rinauro to a waistlock and he rides Luke the mat, going to the mount...then suddenly popping to his feet and telling Luke he took him down for two points! Luke responds with some rhythmic clapping. Lockup again, Rinauro chain wrestles his way to a drop toehold, to the back mount and he mockingly slaps Luke in the head a few times, then he hits his feet and poses to his adoring masses. Rinauro lunges for a tieup for a third time but Luke ducks and fireman's carries Sal to the mat. Rinauro to his feet and looking for a clothesline, but Luke ducks and throws him over with a hiptoss. Armdrag and dropkick by Luke and he's rockin'; Rinauro, meanwhile, is left to clutch his mouth and take a breather on the floor. Luke gets a head of steam and looks for a dive, but Rinauro moves out of the way and Luke stops himself, landing on the apron. Rinauro heads back to attack Luke, but Luke kicks him away and does a Moonsault press off the apron! Luke rolls Rinauro in and gets a two count for his effort. Corner whip by Luke, Rinauro Flair Flips to the apron and lands a gutshot through the ropes, then springboards his way back in with a clothesline. Rinauro is firmly in control again and he asserts himself by choking Luke out with his knee, while giving ref Mike Posey an earful, because he's Sal and he CAN. Brainbuster by Rinauro and he raises his arms to soak up the adulation from the crowd, then covers for a close two. Rinauro helpfully instructs Posey that he'd like a three count next time. Do your job, Posey! Gutshot by Rinauro and he follows up with a nice snap swinging neckbreaker (Jamie Noble-style), then it's back to choking away with the knee. Kneedrop across the throat follows and Rinauro slams Luke to the mat. Rinauro to the top floor, leaping off with his signature elbowdrop and landing RIGHT across Luke's throat with it! Rinauro, very subtly, seems to have picked a bodypart. Rinauro covers, with his leg across Luke's throat for good measure, but Luke somehow kicks out at two. Rinauro scoops Luke up in Blockbuster suplex position, then drops him from there in a swinging Flatliner- kind of a reverse Hero Sandwich there, nicely done. Rinauro signals for the end and sets up for the Double Shot, taking time to flip off a fan before executing the facebuster, so Luke has time to counter with a Back suplex! Luke sets Rinauro up and heads to the apron, looking for the Halo but Sal's seen this before and shoves Luke to the floor, but Luke lands on his feet! Luke quickly heads to the top rope and looks for a plancha, but Rinauro sees it coming and dropkicks him on the way down. Now Rinauro is cinching Luke up top, signaling for...something...but Luke shoves him on his ass and leaps off the top with a biiiig flying legdrop, making full contact and leaving both men down! Wildside Continues...

We're back and Posey is putting a count on. He gets to six before both slowly rise to their feet, Rinauro tries to meet Luke with a right but Luke blocks it and hits one of his own, then he connects with a roundhouse kick to put Rinauro down. Luke heads to the apron and he flips back in with the Halo, right into a cover, one, two, Rinauro gets a foot on the ropes. Prazak makes a good point on commentary: The Halo is flawed as a finisher because the victim has to be so close to the ropes. Rinauro rolls to the corner, prolly wanting a time out which he deserves, but Luke has none of it and pulls him up into a forearm. Cross-corner whip is attempted but Rinauro reverses, then tosses him back into the original corner- squashing Posey in the process! It's his fault for being out of position, you know. Luke manages to come back by hooking Rinauro's leg and...LUKE WITH THE PHOENIX FURY LEGDROP??!! What the hell? Wilson says that's his move too and he calls it the Holy Driver, but Luke should be suspended for using it, and prolly fined and/or deported for the crime of stealing it. Luke administers Last Rites (the Sacrament, not the move) to Rinauro and covers, but there's no ref so while there may be a three count, there's no victory. Luke heads over to Posey and tries to roust him, giving Rinauro just enough time to grab his beloved ROY trophy and conk Luke upside the head with it! Rinauro covers and Posey comes to for the slow count...one...two...three (6:21, 82). Rinauro puts on Luke's Altar Boy robe after the match, dusting himself off and admiring himself- then making a brisk exit (still wearing the tunic) when Luke gets to his feet. Luke is in hot persuit of Rinauro as we go to break. Another good match between these two, it lacked the focus of the first one but it was faster paced and had better heat, plus Rinauro's rudo act was in the best form yet here (except for his performance in the double elimination match at Hardcore Hell, maybe). Luke is definitely benefitting from working with the superior Wildside juniors (as opposed to the XPW spotmonkeys and sloths like Supreme), as he's clearly improving and becoming more than just a spot guy.

-Jeff Lewis stands in front of the blue curtain for an OLD SCHOOL promo. "Murder One, Shadow, you wanna jump me...fine. You wanna burn me in the eye, two-on-one advantages, jump me in the parking lot, that's cool. Next week I'm bringing a mystery partner, he's a former Wildside tag team champion and junior champion, and someone you know from Freedom Fight 2001. I'll bring my partner, and I'll get my revenge." Well, that partner's not much of a mystery anymore, is it? I'll leave you to discover who that is.

-Murder One (backed up by Shadow Jackson) offers a similarly old school reply. "Jeff Lewis, I swear my spider sense is going off because I think you're attempting to get a partner and come face us again. Homeboy, you need to take a page out of the LA Lakers playbook and just give the (fuck) up. Whoever you bring will get their neck broke. Whoever you bring will get their back broke. Whoever you bring will get their chest opened up, just like a blunt. So if you've got the balls and the stupidity get in my face yet again, I promise you I will bury you. Not under the ground. Not under a car. But under your funky ass partner's carcass. Because I've said it once and I'll say it again: To build my career, I have to take yours and that's the way it goes. Peace." I must say, they've done a hell of a job building this feud. The matches haven't been that great, but they're solid and fine for the undercard, and building such a strong angle gives Lewis a purpose and makes this stuff feel far more important than your usual indy undercard filler. Plus One bashed the Lakers, making him that much cooler to that. He should reference Kobe Bryant and Derek Fischer crying like the little girls they really are in his next promo.

-Onyx vs. Hotstuff Hernandez vs. Rainman (with Jeff G. Bailey) for the #1 contendership to the Wildside Heavyweight championship. Rainman has words for everyone after the bell, then says that Hernandez and Onyx can fight- he'll just sit back and watch. Hotstuff and Onyx have different plans, giving the Soul Assassin a double gutshot, then a double whip into a double elbow. Double your pleasure, double your fun! Double whip, double clothesline, double-double-Doublemint gum. Hernandez pulls Rainman to his feet and laces into him with a pair of chops. Whip, Rainman reverses, Hernandez applies a waistlock and Onyx charges in with a clothesline; Rainman ducks and both Rainman and Hernandez end up giving Onyx a backdrop. Onyx takes exception and shoves Hernandez, whip, Hernandez reverses, leapfrog by Hernandez but Onyx slides through his legs and to the floor. Rainman is amused while Hernandez hits the floor and starts pounding away Onyx. Rainman heads in the ring and tries sprinting out into a baseball slide dropkick that takes both guys out, but Onyx and Hernandez part the way, then they decide to reconcile their differences briefly to hammer on Rainman. Hernandez rolls Rainman and cinches him up top, Onyx joins him- all three men standing on the top rope- there's a big DOUBLE SUPERPLEX to send Rainman crashing to the mat! Onyx goes for a cover, one, two, Hernandez breaks it up. Now Hernandez covers, one, two, of course Onyx breaks it up. Hernandez has just about lost patience with Onyx and he floors him with a big lariat, but Rainman surprises him with a corkscrew dropkick. Looks like a new alliance has formed as Onyx puts Hernandez in a camel clutch and Rainman lands a dropkick to the face. The two keep doubling up on Hernandez, Rainman hitting a gutshot while Onyx follows up with a swinging neckbreaker for a nearfall, broken up when Rainman drops a forearm on him. See, they're aligned as long as pinfalls aren't involved. Rainman takes over and beats on everyone, punching Onyx down, stomping on Hernandez then choking Onyx on the ropes. Rainman pulls Onyx to his feet and hits a right, but Hernandez is back up and clubbing away on Rainman. Nasty chop by Hernandez and he drives Rainman into the corner with a trio of shoulderblocks. Onyx attacks Rainman with a doublesledge, then a chop. Whip, Hernandez reverses, Onyx re-reverses, going for the backdrop but he telegraphs it and gets kicked in the head. Hernandez follows with a jawbreaker and then a very hard clothesline over the ropes to the floor. Hernandez stomps rhythmically and hits the ropes, looks like he's going for a top- NO Rainman spears him out of his boots! Onyx rolls in and we have a triple KO, with Onyx making it to his feet first. He drives a knee into Hernandez's gut, then Rainman & Onyx team up again to give the Texas Sandstorm a double electric chair drop! Onyx turns his attention to Rainman, looking for the Blackout but Rainman spins to his feet, forearm to the back and he piggybacks Onyx, he wants HIS move- the Dark City Street Cutter- and gets it! Onyx rolls to the ropes while Jeremy V makes his way down the rampway. Rainman heads up the corner and yells some unkind things in V's direction; Jeremy casually points out that he should be paying attention to Hernandez. Rainman goes to do just that, leaping off with a double axehandle...and right into position to be floored with a big spear from Hernandez! Rainman is up on Hernandez's shoulders, and thrown down with the Awesomebomb. Hernandez covers, Onyx tries to save but he can't make it- Shaun Hernandez is your new #1 contender. (6:46, 75) I don't know what Hernandez did to lose that status in the first place, but it's all moot as he's the first in line for 'Berg again. We don't get to see much celebration from Hernandez or glowering from Bailey as we quickly get the legal notice and fade to black. Standard three-way action here, nothing bad, nothing great, Hernandez looked less-than-impressive though. All the credit in the world to Rainman for carrying this.

-Well this report is about seven months late, so if you actually read this far- hell, if you read it at all- I really appreciate it. This was a real good episode, with two excellent TV matches and a watchable main event. That main didn't do any favors for Hernandez's monster aura, though. I definitely could've done without the opener. Notice how the best shows are always the ones with Sal Rinauro matches? It's not a coincidence; join the SALvation army now! There's still time!